Epic Range Rover Mystere(y)

6 March, 2013 | by Lance Branquinho

Switzerland is the world’s wealthiest country. It’s also rather neutral, with the Swiss preferring to make money and enjoy the world’s best standard of living instead of invading other people’s territory and taking their stuff. They also keep strange people out – mostly.

All this wondrous neutrality does not stop Europe’s most mentality unstable aftermarket vehicle craftspeople from attending the Geneva auto show, though. And when they do attend, it’s usually to show-off a collection of wares that range from odd to plainly criminal. Such as this: Hamann’s Mystere.

More purple than even the most ardent Barney the Dinosaur fan could bear, it’s in fact a 2013 Range Rover, which is actually a rather fantastic car in its own, un-modified, right. Hamann, though, in true German aftermarket fashion, has decided to visit an almost incalculable level of trinket-type styling horror upon the Rangey’s design in order to execute its Mystere package.

Beyond the Barney-makes-porno paint finish there’s a widebody styling kit (adding 80mm of width) trimmed with carbon-fibre fore and aft wings, sills and even a composite hood. The sheer volume of distasteful craftsmanship present on the front tenth of the Mystere beggars belief.

In the interest of completely ruining the particularly sorted Range Rover ride quality Hamann have opted for 23-inch wheels rolling 305 cross-section tyres with an aspect ratio of only 30.

You are probably wondering if there is anything at all redeeming about this Hamann Mystere misery? Well, it has rather tidily crafted exhaust tips: milled from solid metal instead of cut-to-size pre-rolled tubing. This artisan detail is hardly enough to make-up for the general hideousness of the Mystere.

We think Hamann should rather do what they do best: adding tasteful modifications to BMWs.


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